Ajummas!!

Ajummas at the park with their trademark visors on. 

Yes, this blog post is dedicated to South Korea’s favorite assertive little ladies, Ajummas! (say it with me now, Ah-jew-ma’s) Ajummas are the old ladies of Korea, notorious for their puffy- permed black hair, giant head visors, and decked out in glowing neon track suits or mismatching plaid and floral pants suits with fake sparkly rhinestones glued on. They like all that glitters. They also like nude colored rubber shoes and huge hand bags large enough to fit a small child that is usually stuffed with leftover kimchi, back-up head visors, and who knows what else.

Now this is another Ajumma favorite,
the face shield visor.

They love to zig-zag their way through crowed people on the sidewalks, push you over as they make their way onto the buses or subways and talk, no yell, to their Ajumma friends. Do not be deceived, though they appear small and hunched over at the best of times, they can run faster than a cheetah on crack when they see an open seat on the subway. If they don’t think they will get there in time, they will take their 30 pound handbag and fling it across the subway car to make sure they get it. I admire their athletic skill; they always seem to get their bag to land right in the seat they were intending. If there are no seats left, I have seen one Ajumma go as far as yanking the wrist of a teenage boy to get him to give up his seat. Smart guy, I would have done the same thing, give my seat to otherwise avoid a confrontation with an Ajumma who won’t stop at pulling the hair of the person they are arguing with to prove they are right. Pay a visit to Korea, and you will end up in a confrontation with one, guaranteed; there is no avoiding their assertive presence. No one is safe from their hand bags or bodily functions.

Yes, this Ajumma is standing  next a giant
phallic symbol in a seaside village in Korea. You
should have seen what she was doing
to it earlier. No, I won't tell you. 

My fondest memory of one was a memory recalled from my brother and my dad when they came to visit a few years ago. They were busy browsing through clothes one day at an underground shopping mart and my Dad was minding his own business looking through a pile of shorts when suddenly someone ripped a flutterblaster/big one/fart so big the whole store stopped what they were doing to locate the culprit of this possibly dangerous biohazard. My Dad, with his mouth and eyes open in astonishment, looked right at my brother as though it might have been him, my brother points to the Ajumma standing near him. The Ajumma looks at them as if to say, yeah, whacha gunna do about? And then walked away, leaving them to rot in her fumes. I think Dad and brother just stood there in shock, thinking, OMG Did that just happen?? Yes Dad and brother, you guys just got Ajummaed. Not to worry, I have been Ajummaed many times too, though not as fragrant.

Though I give Korea’s old ladies a lot of, ahem, breathing room when walking the streets of Korea, they will be the first thing I miss when I leave. I know that I will one day in the far-off future, I will act like, but hopefully not look like, one of them.